Meet The Everyday Poet

Tailored funny poems for special occasions - bespoke poetry gifts and performances for loved ones

You want custom funny poems for gifts you can give to people for milestone birthdays and specials occasions like weddings, anniversaries and retirements. Personalised humorous poems that will become a true memento or even a family heirloom. You want you and your guests at weddings, parties, or corporate events to cherish memories of a funny, warm, happy, entertaining and heartwarming experience.

That’s where my bespoke poetry gifts for loved ones, plus performances and live poetry writing services come in handy! You can order one of my tailored funny poems for special occasions that will become a treasured heirloom. Or hire me to create a magic experience at weddings, parties and events that will be talked about fondly for years to come!

THIS IS FOR YOU IF...

THIS IS FOR YOU IF...

  • You’re looking for the perfect personalised gift for a partner, family member or friend that’s unique, funny, fun and heartwarming 

  • You’ve been seeking quality personalised entertainment experience that offers something a bit different, funny, inspiring and creative

  • You’re looking for a totally different performer or experience for your corporate events to set you apart from your competitors 

  • You want a poem about everyday people and things that is funny and easy to relate to

  • You’re looking for great value for money with a custom, personalised gift or experience that your partner, family member or friend will love

  • You’re a pet owner who wants the perfect memento to help remember your companion forever

I started writing when I was eight years old. As a teen, I ventured into poetry, but didn't have the guts to keep what I wrote, so I threw it all into the bin! Fast forward over twenty years, in 2020 I rekindled my poetic flame and have been scribbling away ever since. I devour other people’s poetry, study it at my local university, and I’ve explored the poetry business by creating and selling cards, mugs and calendars decorated with my verses. I’m also an associate of a poetry-focussed Community Interest Company (CIC), where I help with marketing, communications and business policy matters. 

Born less than a mile from where legendary Welsh poet Dylan Thomas was raised and wrote his way into history, I grew up a stone’s throw from where he lived and attended school in Uplands, Swansea (Wales, UK). I’m a warm, fun, and funny poet with a down-to-earth, enthusiastic vibe. I write for the sheer joy of it, driven by a mission to make people smile, laugh, and perhaps even cry with delight. My mission is to spread happiness and inspiration, one poem and performance at a time!

My Mum is a retired English teacher and my Dad has studied and written creative writing and poetry for years, so I guess it’s in my blood! When I’m not writing or performing poems, or working in my day job as a PR & Marketing Consultant and Copywriter, you’ll often find me reading in a park, exercising or singing karaoke!!

Hi, I’m Gavin Byron Harris!

When you hire The Everyday Poet…

You can also order an amazing entertainment experiences for your wedding, party or corporate event. You want your guests to leave weddings, parties and events with big smiles and stories they'll laugh about for years. Luckily for you, creating warm, happy, and memorable experiences is what I’m all about.  

Whether it’s for friends, family, or corporate clients, my goal is always to create those joyous, unforgettable moments that stand out from the usual shindigs. My poetry performances and ‘Lucky Limericks Live’, where I write Limericks about guests on the spot, are like adding a sprinkle of magic. I can help you turn any party or event into a celebration everyone will remember with a grin.

You’ll get a beautifully crafted custom funny poem that will capture the essence of the person it’s written about e.g. your partner, family member, friend, colleague or even your pet. My bespoke humorous poetry is the ultimate way to commemorate special occasions.

You’ll get a tailored poem for special occasions that will become a cherished heirloom, ensuring the joy and warmth of the recipient's heart and soul are always just a read away. These bespoke poetry gifts are perfect for celebrating and remembering special moments.

Poetry portfolio….

  • “Come on now landlord!"

    You’re a lovely man,
    But a terrible liar,
    Come on now landlord,
    Your bum’s on fire!

    You’re caring and smart,
    With a lousy heart,
    Come on now landlord,
    Your vows smell like fart!

    You’re setting good deadlines,
    They all seem to pass,
    Come on now landlord,
    You’re talking out your arse!

    You’re a smooth-talking gent,
    With some wonderful ‘words’,
    Come on now landlord,
    They’re basically turds,

    You’re time’s nearly up,
    My patience is spent,
    Come on now landlord,
    Why am I paying rent!

    © Gavin Byron Harris, 2023

  • The Power of Now

    The power of now is a wonderful thing,

    For the present is as an arrow,

    The present is a sling,

    To shoot away the burdens,

    Gnawing at your soul,

    Because living in the moment,

    Helps keep you stay in control

    © Gavin Byron Harris, 2021

  • Find your own Shawshank Redemption

    As Andy told Red,

    You’ve got to be free, living in your head,

    Get busy living? Get busy dying?

    If you’re stuck in the middle,

    You’re not really trying,

    Life is hard, that’s for sure,

    But if you’re not even trying,

    Your life will be poor,

    “I can’t. I won’t. I’ll never do that!”,

    But if brains were dynamite,

    You’d blow off your hat,

    Because in the end,

    Life is a game,

    And not all endings,

    Are the same.

    © Gavin Byron Harris, 2022

  • How windy is Uranus?

    How windy is Uranus?

    Is it red and dry like Mars?

    Has it got a big nose like Pluto?

    Does it dazzle like the stars?

    Does it shine brightly like the moon?

    Do comets bounce off it, like water off a balloon?

    Has it got an icy ring like Saturn’s?

    Is the surface covered in starfish patterns?

    Is it gassy like Venus?

    Does it smell like a penis?

    Has it got the mass of cheese?

    Can it give me a nasty disease?

    Has it got the density of fudge?

    Has it got the pull of a judge?

    Is it blue like the Earth?

    Has it got a wide girth?

    Like Jupiter, is it massive?

    Are the life forms hostile or passive?

    Is it small and sizzling-hot like Mercury?

    Does the climate make it dark and murky?

    Because if Uranus isn’t too windy

    And the atmosphere is OK

    Maybe I, could become a smooth-talking ass-trounaut

    And land on it one day

    © Gavin Byron Harris, 2022.

  • Dog bites man

    Dog bites man,
    Man won’t get ambulance van,
    Bite gets infected,
    Man’s penis won’t get erected,
    No erection,
    Leads to sad self-reflection,
    Man’s dreams fade,
    Man can’t get laid.

    © Gavin Byron Harris, 2020.

  • Selection of smutty Love poems

    Lydon is a punk

    Roses are red
    John Lydon is a punk
    Make me purr like a kitten
    I’ll fill you with spunk

    I'm tired
    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    I’m a bit tired tonight
    Will your best dildo do?

    Screw?
    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    You’re so sexy
    Fancy a screw?

    Alien banter
    Roses are red
    Nobody can hear you scream in space
    Take off your exoskeleton
    And sit on my face

    © Gavin Byron Harris, 2022.

  • The alien inside me

    The venom in me is the venom in you

    I feel my subconscious, you feel yours too?

    Venom like to bite, then like to play

    Venom has the might, Venom here to stay

    Venom my heart, Venom my soul

    Venom in charge, Venom in control

    Tapping into Venom, feel very strange

    Tapping into Venom, make me change

    Venom say ‘monkey do!’, this monkey say ‘yes’

    Venom is wise, venom know best

    Venom tell me now, not say too much

    Venom keep his secrets, venom say hush!

    © Gavin Byron Harris, 2024

  • Dick rhymes with limerick

    A limerick about a limerick
    Is basically a cheap gimmick
    But, one well done
    Is so much fun
    Because dick rhymes with limerick

    © Gavin Byron Harris, 2022

Happy customers say….

Poetry Services

  • Bespoke poems - custom funny poems for gifts

    Order a personalised humorous poem about a loved one or friend, which will be written fresh then beautifully printed in gold foil on high-quality paper. These bespoke poetry gifts for loved ones are perfect for making any occasion unforgettable and ensuring it’s remembered with a smile!

    SPECIAL OFFER UNTIL APRIL 2025

    Four line poems NORMALLY £75 = NOW £55 until 1.4.25

    Limericks (composed of five lines) NORMALLY £95 = NOW £75 until 1.4.25

    Ten line poems NORMALLY £195 = NOW £145 until 1.4.25

    Ordering more than one service together? Ask me for a discount!

  • Live Performances

    A special performance at your wedding, party or event to help create a sparkling atmosphere. Add a dash of magic and a sprinkle of laughter to make sure your guests leave with grins on their faces and unforgettable memories in their minds!

    SPECIAL OFFER UNTIL APRIL 2025

    Performance for a 20 minute set at a venue of your choice NORMALLY from £195 = NOW from £145 until 1.04.25


    Please note, for performances outside south Wales, travel and accommodation (if needed), is charged in addition to the price.

    Ordering more than one service together? Ask me for a discount!

  • Poems Written On The Spot

    ‘Lucky Limericks Live’: Limericks written on the spot at your wedding, party or event about some of your guests. They turn your wedding, party or event into a laugh-out-loud, memorable experience, leaving guests delighted and a bit flattered! It's the perfect way to add a personalised touch of fun!

    SPECIAL OFFER UNTIL APRIL 2025

    Limericks written on the spot about 3 guests at weddings, parties or events, NORMALLY £195 = NOW £145 until 1.04.25


    Please note, for weddings, parties or events outside south Wales, travel and accommodation (if needed), is charged in addition to the price.

    Ordering more than one service together? Ask me for a discount!

The world is such a stressful place, spread a little joy with poetry from The Everyday Poet - give it a go!

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